PDA ~ Pathological Demand Avoidance.

An autistic profile: every day demands trigger anxiety, with a driving need to feel in control.

Parenting PDAers is exhausting. It is not your parenting.

Being autistic and parenting two very different PDAers is hard.

Over the years I’ve been be hit, thumped, kicked, slapped, verbally attacked, and seen them crash and burn through exhaustion of holding it in at school all day, managing every demand – compliant with all rules (sometimes over compliant)- never ceases to amaze me when someone who struggles to verbalise can find strong words when they deem an injustice has taken place.

Rewards systems rarely work for PDAers!

We use natural consequences- which come easier the more you use them. Mine have agreed boundaries – yes! “Agreed boundaries”.- coproduced.

These boundaries we’ve worked on since they were young. Boundaries that are black and white and transparent. I do a lot for my kids just to help them manage day to day. Daily Demands include:

  • Getting up
    • waking up
    • moving
    • Dressing (lots of multiple demands)
      • Where clothes are?
      • Preferred order.
      • Item missing or moved can trigger
    • Remembering school items
      • Lunch – packed lunch.
      • PE kit (secondary)
  • Remembering to eat/ drink
  • Going to school
    • School work
    • “Playing”
    • Rules
    • Environment
    • School Lunch!
      • noise, busyness, smells etc can all be demands on the senses.
  • Transitions are demands.
    • up/down stairs
    • to/from school
    • entering/exiting somewhere
    • stopping/starting something.
  • Siblings
  • Going to Bed
  • Chores
  • Socialising
  • Self-Demands we put on ourselves
  • Other people’s demands.
    And Many more………

An adults PDAer

PDA Resources

http://www.pdasociety.org.uk run by adult PDAers and parents of PDAers.
http://www.sallycatpda.co.uk – an adult PDAer

https://www.harryjackthompson.com/– an adult PDAer, author and public speaker.
https://www.thepdaspace.com/ – online portal with monthly PDA talks, created by Nicola Reekie, a PDA adult.
http://www.positivepda.com – run by Nicola Reekie, an adult PDAer

https://memyselfandpda.com/ – Julia Daunt, adult PDAer, author, blogger and speaker.
https://www.tiggertraining.com/ – a PDA adult delivering PDA training, talks and podcasts.